Category: Family

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Faith Family

Time to Lose Control

Our sermon this past Sunday at church was about respecting authority. While my parents did a great job of teaching me to show respect to others, I’m also a control freak.

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with enneagram, but I’m a 8w9. As an enneagram 8, I like to be in control and I don’t like to be controlled by others. Not a great combo when it comes to how I deal with authority!

And the past couple of years have caused even more stress for this control freak! People telling me to stay home, wear a mask, get tested, etc. There is already so much I can’t control (weather, gas prices, etc.) that these additional requirements about sent me over the edge.

On top of all the pandemic nonsense, we went through some really tough stuff last year that I was out of my control and left me helpless and broken. And when I feel that way, I find myself desperately searching for something to control — which usually ends up being my husband and kids.

Loving or Controlling?

Instead of being a team player with my husband, I’ve been digging my heels in on issues (where we both have valid points) and trying to control God’s story for his life. I want to rush him through his healing process and take away his pain. Countless times he reminds me that I don’t get to dictate his feelings. That w9 of my enneagram (8w9)…that’s me wanting peace and happiness. So, I try to control my husband and my kids’ feelings to get to a state of peace and happiness, instead of just listening and letting them move at their own pace.

My 10-year-old daughter (who struggles with OCD and anxiety — which I definitely have no control over) keeps telling me that I’m not listening to her. I am listening, but I’m trying to fix her problem or make her feel better…control how she feels. What she’s trying to tell me is that she wants me to just listen and allow her to feel. She doesn’t want the solution or for me to show her the flip side of the coin. She wants to be heard and validated.

And I get it. Because I hate when people do that to me too. I want to be able to tell my frustrations and process through it, not have someone tell me what to think.

What’s the Solution?

Ultimately, it’s about trusting God. Trusting Him with those I love. Trusting God with the future. And trusting that He cares for my family more than I do and will handle every situation. I’m learning that, even when everything feels out of control, God is in control. And I’m trying to learn to let go, listen more, and let people be.

And this is how I can best love the people in my life.

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Faith Family

15 Years and Counting!

15 years ago I said, “I do!” to the love of my life. It’s been a roller coaster of good and bad, joy and tears, but I wouldn’t change a thing. My life and who I am as a person is so much better because of my husband. Here’s just a few things that make my husband so amazing…

Not only is my husband incredibly hot (I mean, he just gets better with age!), but he’s incredibly kind and caring. He is the first in line to help a friend move or solve a computer issue. He coaches our kids admirably and shows an amazing amount of patience with all the players. He is the Dungeon Master to six junior high boys 1-2 times/month at our house…I mean, he should be given sainthood for that alone! 😉

He has taught me how to love and care for others, to be less judgmental, and to truly grasp the Gospel. My faith and love for Jesus and others has grown because of him. He encourages me to interact with others and develop friendships. Most importantly, he loves me even when I’m controlling (enneagram 8 over here!) and overbearing. He loves me when I’m emotional and critical. He loves me for me.

The crazy thing is, he has no idea how amazing he is and how worthy he is of love. Even in his worst moments (and we all have them), I see the incredible man that God created and all the great things God has in store for his life. My deepest desire for him is that he will truly know how loved he is by me, our children, and God.

15 years is a great time to celebrate, however, every day with him is one to celebrate. He is the love of my life and I’m forever grateful to God for husband and best friend.

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Faith Family Goals

Happy New Year?

It’s a New Year! A time where people make new goals, dream about the upcoming year, and hope that things are better than the last year.

I was looking back at my social media posts from last year…you know, the ones with champagne and talking about making 2021 the best year yet…and it broke me. 2021 was hard. The first seven months brought challenges and betrayal that I never imagined (I share my journey in previous blog posts). It was really hard. And, yes, God in his amazing grace, redeemed the final months and brought peace, joy, and unity to my life and relationships. My faith is deeper and more real that it has been in years…praise Jesus through the hard.

But, as the calendar moves into 2022, I’m wary. To be honest, I’m afraid that 2022 will start of the same as 2021…God did amazing things in the life of me and my family, but I don’t want to go through that hardship again.

(It’s silly, but last year was the first NYE that my husband and I were in two different locations — we didn’t get to bring in 2021 together. So, I told him that I didn’t care what we did for NYE this year, as long as I was with him. As if that was what threw off 2021. 🙄🤣 )

I’m working to trust God and his goodness — that he will continue to provide and care for me and my family. But, I’m entering 2022 slowly. I’m not dreaming big dreams or planning big goals. There is no word of the year for me this year, etc. I’m simply going to take each day as it comes (I mean, I’ll still be planning things — it’s what I do) and trust God. I’m not going to try to force his hand and rush his schedule for my life.

Maybe you’re like me. Has the weight of life’s issues made you wary of the new year? I still have hope and joy, just taking it one step at time. Because if there’s one thing I learned in 2021, it’s that God is by my side through all my trials, that he is standing in the fire with me, and I have joy because of how he has brought me through every battle.

“There was another in the fire, standing next to me. There was another in the water, holding back the seas. And if I ever need reminding of how good He’s been to me, I’ll count the joy in every battle, ’cause I know that’s where He’ll be.” Another In The Fire

Here’s to the New Year and taking one day at a time, trusting God’s plan, and digging deeper in all my relationships.

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Faith Family Goals

This Is Me

Today, December 13th, is my 43rd birthday and I’m amazed at how fast this year has flown by! This year had it’s ups and downs, but overall, I feel amazing and that the Lord brought me back to life this year.

I know that many people dread getting older, but the deeper I get in to my 40s, the more I love it! Yes, my hormones can be a little wacky, but I’ve found some natural ways to keep them under control. I’ve had to cut back on some of my running miles, but I’ve become stronger and have learned to appreciate rest, stretching, and a good walk. I love being in my 40s, because I am comfortable in my skin and being who God created me to be…not just saying it to convince myself (ahem…30s), but truly feeling it deep in my soul.

I’ve seen amazing growth in my relationships. I’m more honest and real with how I feel…and less second guessing everything I do. Instead of having pity parties about how I don’t feel seen or understood (how I don’t fit in), I’ve embraced the way God made me and the result…I’m more fully able to love the people around me — my husband, my kids, my parents, my friends, my neighbors, and those I’ve never met.

I feel my age. I know that sounds weird, but there were so many times in my 30s, that I would still think of myself as 18…and then get upset when I didn’t look or feel that young. Now, I’m stronger and healthier than I was 10+ years ago, but I “feel” my age in the wisdom and perspective that comes with getting older. This means that I’m not trying to be a younger version of me, but embracing where I currently am.

Don’t get me wrong — I still say and do stupid things and second guess myself. But, I am growing with each new year and becoming more of the woman God has created me to be. I rest in the love of my Heavenly Father, able to fully love myself and others.

Thank you, Lord, for your continued work in my life, year after year. I’m excited to see what you have planned for this next year!

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Faith Family

Give Thanks

Although I try to live a life of constant gratitude, Thanksgiving is a great time to reflect on all the good that God has done this past year.

I’ll be honest, the first seven months of 2021 were hard for our family. God took us through the fire and cut some big anchors, but through it all, his promises remain true: he is good and loving and has a plan for me and my family.

True to his Word, the past four months have been filled with incredible joys. God took the really hard and used it for His good and our good.

I’m thankful for my incredible husband — for his amazing servant’s heart and love for me and how God has grown our marriage and made it stronger. This year has grown his love for our our neighbors, his patience, and his grace. His response to the hard has blown me away.

I’m thankful for how God has worked in my son’s life spiritually and socially. Edmund has grown in his faith (was baptized this past Sunday!) and has excelled at school and in his relationships…all while entering the middle school era. BTW, today is his birthday!! My hilarious boy is 12 years old!!!

I’m thankful for the healing that God has brought into my daughter’s life. She struggled a lot with anxiety and depression the beginning of this year. In June she began seeing a counselor and started on medication. It’s been great to see my joyful kind-hearted girl again! Plus, Elise went to Honey Rock camp this summer for 12-days and her inner fierceness emerged — she fell in love with rock climbing and riflery! God has also brought some great friendships into her life.

I’m thankful for how God has worked in my life through the hard. He has grown my faith as I have learned to trust him and his faithfulness through the good and the bad. I’m thankful for the church God lead us to four months ago. I have a freedom and joy that I didn’t realize had been missing the past few years. I feel like God has brought me back to life!

I’m thankful for my parents, my sister, and her family who has stood by our family through the hard. My parents moved to the new church with us and God has already used them there! We were most concerned about the transition for my mom, who has dementia, but she LOVES it and looks forward to church every Sunday. She’s the perfect example of “people might not remember what you say, but they remember how you feel.”

Thank you God for upholding and sustaining all of my family through the really hard times this year. And I know that you will continue to sustain us in the years to come.

I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness to me and my family…his promises are strong and true.

A couple of weeks ago, we sang the song “Promises” in church. The words really spoke to me and all God has done in my life:

“God of Abraham, You’re the God of covenant, of faithful promises. Time and time again You have proven You do just want You say.

“Though the storms may come and the winds may blow, I’ll remain steadfast. And let my heart learn when You speak a word, it will come to pass.

“Great is Your faithfulness to me. Great is Your faithfulness to me. From the rising sun to the setting same, I will praise Your name. Great is Your faithfulness to me.

“God from age to age, though the earth may pass away, Your Word remains the same. Your history can prove there’s nothing You can’t do — You’re faithful and true.

“Though the storms may come and the winds may blow, I’ll remain steadfast. And let my heart learn when You speak a word, it will come to pass.

“Great is Your faithfulness to me. Great is Your faithfulness to me. From the rising sun to the setting same I will praise Your name. Great is Your faithfulness to me.

“I put my faith in Jesus. My anchor to the ground. My hope and firm foundation. He’ll never let me down…”

Amen. He will never let me down!

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Faith Family

Time For a Change

Have you felt called to do something, but keep putting it off and waiting for a better time? Then, when you finally make the change, you wish you had done it sooner?

Maybe it’s getting healthy? Maybe it’s changing a career? Or maybe it’s leaving the comfort of a place you’ve been a part of for most of your life for something new and different?

I finally cast all fear aside and made a change what God has been prompting me (and my husband) to do for years. After 36 years (!), I said good-bye to my church for another one. Walter and I felt God calling us to move churches about 5-6 years ago, but for one thing or another, we stayed. After all, I’ve been attending that church since I was in first grade. I grew up in that church, met my husband (when we were adults working with the high school youth group) there, got married there, and baptized our children there. I served in the junior high and senior high youth groups for about 9 years and was a part of the worship team for 20+ years!

The easy thing to do was to stay…when God was calling us to better things. Over the summer, God started closing doors and made it so incredibly apparent that now is the time. So, the beginning of August, I said ‘yes’ to God’s plan and went to a different church.

And, WOW, did God move in my heart! I was filled with the Holy Spirit and moved by God’s Word in ways that I had been missing the past 5-6 years. My cup was filled to overflowing and I felt the anger, hurt, and bitterness that had been building inside me disappear. I didn’t realize that those years I chose to stay at my church was failing to fill me and instead continued to drain me. I’ve been running on empty the past few years, finding my faith through personal devotions and listening to worship music, losing my desire for church and community.

I’m thankful I finally listened and took that step toward God’s plans for me and my family. Even though the road has been hard, I’m thankful that God has made it crystal clear that now is the time to leave. I’m thankful that my husband and I are on this journey together.

How about you? Is there something in your life (big or small) that God has been calling you to do? Stop taking the easy road and start living fearlessly.

As I stood with tears in my eyes praising God that first Sunday, I kept thinking, “I wish we had listened and left 5 years ago.” All praise to God who never gives up on us and finds ways to move our stubborn hearts toward all he desires for us.

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Faith Family

Grateful

“I just wanna say that I’m grateful for all of the ways you’ve never left me behind. Oh how irresponsible is your love. I just want to praise your name for all of the ways you keep chasing my heart. Oh how irresponsible is your love.” Irresponsible by JUDAH

“Yeah, I’m thankful. Scratch that, baby, I’m grateful. Gotta say it’s really been a while, but now I’ve got back that smile. I’m so thankful. Scratch that, baby, I’m grateful. Gonna see me smiling from a mile, finally got back that smile.” Smile by Katy Perry

Gratitude is a choice. It’s choosing to be thankful even in the hard…especially in the hard. Life is not always easy, but when we live a life full of gratitude, we are able to appreciate all the good things that God has done and see that the blessings far outweigh the struggle.

The past 18 months have a been a challenge for many families, mine included. While 2020 was filled with a lot of physical pain (son’s broken arm and surgery, sister’s broken ankle, niece hospitalized with mono, etc.), 2021 has been a struggle spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. But God, in his awesomeness and lovingkindness, is doing great things in my life and my family.

Sometimes it takes really hard stuff to move us in the direction God wants us to go. Sometimes God uses the hard to cut the ties that anchor us to where we are. God has worked in my life and my family’s life in incredible ways recently. Are we still wounded and hurting from the struggle? Of course. But God is healing and mending our hearts and doing a mighty work.

Just like God used the hardships and craziness in Joseph’s life to save Israel, God has used this time to bring redemption and sustenance to my soul. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” Genesis 50:20 NLT

How is God using the hard in your life to bring you into his blessings? When I’m tempted to focus on the past and the hurt, I choose to focus on the present and count my blessings…grateful for all the good God is doing and continues to do in my life.

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Faith Family Parenting

School Daze

It’s the middle of August and kids are heading back to school. My kids start next week, but my first day back was today (second year as a P.E. teacher). I love my job and where I teach, but I’m having a hard time transitioning back to school.

I love the summer. I love the free time, the vacations, and the adventures with my kids. I love hanging with friends, sleepovers for my kids, and time with family. I love the warm weather, awesome thunderstorms, and long days. There’s always an excitement about school, but right now I’m in mourning.

(For many of you, this is the first time back since March of 2020 — my kids were fortunate to be in school full-time all last year, so this was a regular summer break.)

Perhaps some of it is because my oldest is starting Junior High, so this mama has some anxiety about how he will handle the additional work and pressures…and how he will behave. I know he’ll do great, but it’s new territory for us. I’m also aware each day how quickly time is passing.

My daughter has struggled with anxiety and is doing so much better (she is super excited for school), however, I’m praying for few setbacks as school starts up and the pressures that come with it.

We had a great summer, but it was also a tough one spiritually and emotionally…and we’re still feeling a little bit raw and beat up. Part of me wants some more time to recover and heal…while the other part knows that it is time to move forward.

So, I’m trusting in God day by day as we move toward our new “normal”, knowing that he will guide my family along the way.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34 (The Message)

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Faith Family

Eye-Opening

I’ve spent a lot of my life pigeon-holing and judging. I’ve expected people and places to look, act, and respond a certain way. And I’ve been frustrated and angry when they refuse to change to meet my needs.

Maybe it’s age allowing me to look at things differently…or perhaps I’m finally hearing and seeing what God is trying to tell me and show me.

I’ve done this with health and fitness. There are universal truths of health and fitness, but not one-size-fits-all. Everyone’s body is different, so different forms of exercise work best for different people. We all know how to eat healthy, but there are certain diets/styles of eating that work best for different body types. Find what is healthy and what works best for your body.

I’ve done this with church. The Gospel is the core of the Christian faith, but how people grow in their faith and understanding of God and the Gospel is different for everyone. For some, they want the deep-dive, intellectual approach. Some want to experience the Holy Spirit through music and gospel teaching. I’ve spent years frustrated with my church because I was trying to make it go the way I best experience God…but what might not be God’s plan for that church. Find a church that points you to God and his glory and helps you find joy in him.

I’ve done this with my relationships. I put expectations on my husband, kids, family, and friends that I don’t hold myself to. I’ve felt left out and uninvited, when so many of my friends feel the same way. I judge others for not being there for me, but am I there for them? Find ways to love others and let got of expectations.

What about you? Do you find yourself discontent with others and the world around you? Perhaps we all need to let go of expectations, stop assuming, and open our eyes to the possibilities and needs of others around us…to see the world with new eyes.

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Faith Family Self-care

Just Because

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written. Life has been a little crazy and we have been dealing with some hard things in our family. I’ve spent my moments caring for my husband and children, learning about who we can trust, and running to my Father in heaven who loves me, knows me, and comforts me.

In my quiet times, the song “Just Because” by Judah has touched my heart and reminded me of God’s undeserving love for me and my family.

Below are the words and you can listen to the song here:

“Boldly I come into his arms / with nothing to bring but all of my heart / How could this be? The way He looks in my eyes / All broken and crimson sin, He sees only white.

And I can’t do anything to gain what He’s done / He just loves me, ’cause He loves me, ’cause He loves me, just because He does

Tired and afraid, forgotten what’s paid / so I’ll hide in my shame, like an orphan in chains / I ran from my promise, but it’s never enough / ’cause my walls and my mountains always run out of luck

And I can’t do anything to deserve what He’s done / He just loves me, ’cause He loves me, ’cause He loves me, just because He does

I’m His beloved, I am His friend / His love has no limit from beginning to end / No angel or demon will ever separate / me from His goodness and His wonderful gaze

So let me remind you of all that He’s done / He just loves you, ’cause He loves you, ’cause He love you, just because He does

You are His favorite; You are His friend / No weapon against you ever stands a chance / Not heaven or hell, nor darkness or light / will ever deny you of His wonderful smile

So I won’t be silent; it’s too good to be true / He just loves you, ’cause He loves you, ’cause He love you”