Tag: gratitude

Categories
Faith Goals Self-care

Power In Weakness

Every Wednesday night, our church does Care Night to reach those who are struggling with anxiety, isolation, and addictions. Recently, our Care Night Pastor was encouraging people to attend and talked about how there is power in our weakness. We find God’s strength when we are able to admit our weaknesses and trust in him. Those words really struck a chord with me.

I’ve been learning a lot about vulnerability and sharing my weaknesses this past year. I’ve always been a perfectionist and I hold things close to the chest. Even when I try to be “in the moment” there is a since of control to it. I recently saw a video of me singing on worship team. I remember feeling to free to move to the music and raise my hands, yet as I watched the video, I was surprised how controlled my motions seemed. Apparently, 43 years of perfectionism is hard to break!

The problem is that being perfect pushes people away. And to be honest, being perfect is exhausting. There’s so much self-doubt, self-criticism, and loneliness. I try so hard to be perfect on the outside, but I’m a mess on the inside.

Not Perfect

I’m not perfect. I have nervous ticks that come out even more when I’m stressed — from rolling my eyes, to scrunching my nose, to slightly nodding my head or stretching. It’s embarrassing to me because it is such an obvious physical imperfection. My daughter struggles with anxiety/OCD and is getting a tween attitude that leaves me at my wits end and struggling to know how to help her. I’m more angry, frustrated, and depressed than I want to admit. But that’s okay. God’s power and strength is found in my weakness.

My previous church talked a good game about grace and forgiveness, but made it clear that if you didn’t appear perfect (say the correct things, be involved in certain ministries, wear the right clothes), you didn’t fit in their church. It hurt. But in my feelings of weakness, God led me to a church that values our differences, welcomes us, cares for us, and points us to our Savior. I find myself being more vulnerable and real with people…and they still want to hang out with me! 😉

Be Real

Jennie Allen gives a great example of being known, not perfect, in her book Get Out of Your Head. She writes:

“I met a new friend after the move to Dallas. Ellen is sophisticated and always says the right thing…she was the kind of new friend who is so awesome, you feel intimidated to be around her (though she would never want you to). The first time we met, I remember playing it safe. I thought I’d hold back and feel her out.

“But the second time, I decided to go for it. I was all of me — opinionated, loud, honest, and passionate. She laughed and started calling more often. She liked me in all my chaotic glory.”

When we stop trying to be perfect and share who we are with others — strengths and weaknesses — that’s when the deep relationships form. That’s where God can meet us and grow us.

As I have been willing to share my hurt and pains with others, I’m realizing that I’m not alone and creating deeper friendships. God is bringing joy and healing to my heart by being real and weak. I’m thankful for recent women in my life with whom I’ve been unapologetically me…and felt known and loved.

And I’m thankful for God’s hope and strength in my weakness.

“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Categories
Faith Family

15 Years and Counting!

15 years ago I said, “I do!” to the love of my life. It’s been a roller coaster of good and bad, joy and tears, but I wouldn’t change a thing. My life and who I am as a person is so much better because of my husband. Here’s just a few things that make my husband so amazing…

Not only is my husband incredibly hot (I mean, he just gets better with age!), but he’s incredibly kind and caring. He is the first in line to help a friend move or solve a computer issue. He coaches our kids admirably and shows an amazing amount of patience with all the players. He is the Dungeon Master to six junior high boys 1-2 times/month at our house…I mean, he should be given sainthood for that alone! 😉

He has taught me how to love and care for others, to be less judgmental, and to truly grasp the Gospel. My faith and love for Jesus and others has grown because of him. He encourages me to interact with others and develop friendships. Most importantly, he loves me even when I’m controlling (enneagram 8 over here!) and overbearing. He loves me when I’m emotional and critical. He loves me for me.

The crazy thing is, he has no idea how amazing he is and how worthy he is of love. Even in his worst moments (and we all have them), I see the incredible man that God created and all the great things God has in store for his life. My deepest desire for him is that he will truly know how loved he is by me, our children, and God.

15 years is a great time to celebrate, however, every day with him is one to celebrate. He is the love of my life and I’m forever grateful to God for husband and best friend.

Categories
Faith Family Goals

This Is Me

Today, December 13th, is my 43rd birthday and I’m amazed at how fast this year has flown by! This year had it’s ups and downs, but overall, I feel amazing and that the Lord brought me back to life this year.

I know that many people dread getting older, but the deeper I get in to my 40s, the more I love it! Yes, my hormones can be a little wacky, but I’ve found some natural ways to keep them under control. I’ve had to cut back on some of my running miles, but I’ve become stronger and have learned to appreciate rest, stretching, and a good walk. I love being in my 40s, because I am comfortable in my skin and being who God created me to be…not just saying it to convince myself (ahem…30s), but truly feeling it deep in my soul.

I’ve seen amazing growth in my relationships. I’m more honest and real with how I feel…and less second guessing everything I do. Instead of having pity parties about how I don’t feel seen or understood (how I don’t fit in), I’ve embraced the way God made me and the result…I’m more fully able to love the people around me — my husband, my kids, my parents, my friends, my neighbors, and those I’ve never met.

I feel my age. I know that sounds weird, but there were so many times in my 30s, that I would still think of myself as 18…and then get upset when I didn’t look or feel that young. Now, I’m stronger and healthier than I was 10+ years ago, but I “feel” my age in the wisdom and perspective that comes with getting older. This means that I’m not trying to be a younger version of me, but embracing where I currently am.

Don’t get me wrong — I still say and do stupid things and second guess myself. But, I am growing with each new year and becoming more of the woman God has created me to be. I rest in the love of my Heavenly Father, able to fully love myself and others.

Thank you, Lord, for your continued work in my life, year after year. I’m excited to see what you have planned for this next year!

Categories
Faith Family

Give Thanks

Although I try to live a life of constant gratitude, Thanksgiving is a great time to reflect on all the good that God has done this past year.

I’ll be honest, the first seven months of 2021 were hard for our family. God took us through the fire and cut some big anchors, but through it all, his promises remain true: he is good and loving and has a plan for me and my family.

True to his Word, the past four months have been filled with incredible joys. God took the really hard and used it for His good and our good.

I’m thankful for my incredible husband — for his amazing servant’s heart and love for me and how God has grown our marriage and made it stronger. This year has grown his love for our our neighbors, his patience, and his grace. His response to the hard has blown me away.

I’m thankful for how God has worked in my son’s life spiritually and socially. Edmund has grown in his faith (was baptized this past Sunday!) and has excelled at school and in his relationships…all while entering the middle school era. BTW, today is his birthday!! My hilarious boy is 12 years old!!!

I’m thankful for the healing that God has brought into my daughter’s life. She struggled a lot with anxiety and depression the beginning of this year. In June she began seeing a counselor and started on medication. It’s been great to see my joyful kind-hearted girl again! Plus, Elise went to Honey Rock camp this summer for 12-days and her inner fierceness emerged — she fell in love with rock climbing and riflery! God has also brought some great friendships into her life.

I’m thankful for how God has worked in my life through the hard. He has grown my faith as I have learned to trust him and his faithfulness through the good and the bad. I’m thankful for the church God lead us to four months ago. I have a freedom and joy that I didn’t realize had been missing the past few years. I feel like God has brought me back to life!

I’m thankful for my parents, my sister, and her family who has stood by our family through the hard. My parents moved to the new church with us and God has already used them there! We were most concerned about the transition for my mom, who has dementia, but she LOVES it and looks forward to church every Sunday. She’s the perfect example of “people might not remember what you say, but they remember how you feel.”

Thank you God for upholding and sustaining all of my family through the really hard times this year. And I know that you will continue to sustain us in the years to come.

I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness to me and my family…his promises are strong and true.

A couple of weeks ago, we sang the song “Promises” in church. The words really spoke to me and all God has done in my life:

“God of Abraham, You’re the God of covenant, of faithful promises. Time and time again You have proven You do just want You say.

“Though the storms may come and the winds may blow, I’ll remain steadfast. And let my heart learn when You speak a word, it will come to pass.

“Great is Your faithfulness to me. Great is Your faithfulness to me. From the rising sun to the setting same, I will praise Your name. Great is Your faithfulness to me.

“God from age to age, though the earth may pass away, Your Word remains the same. Your history can prove there’s nothing You can’t do — You’re faithful and true.

“Though the storms may come and the winds may blow, I’ll remain steadfast. And let my heart learn when You speak a word, it will come to pass.

“Great is Your faithfulness to me. Great is Your faithfulness to me. From the rising sun to the setting same I will praise Your name. Great is Your faithfulness to me.

“I put my faith in Jesus. My anchor to the ground. My hope and firm foundation. He’ll never let me down…”

Amen. He will never let me down!

Categories
Faith Family

Time For a Change

Have you felt called to do something, but keep putting it off and waiting for a better time? Then, when you finally make the change, you wish you had done it sooner?

Maybe it’s getting healthy? Maybe it’s changing a career? Or maybe it’s leaving the comfort of a place you’ve been a part of for most of your life for something new and different?

I finally cast all fear aside and made a change what God has been prompting me (and my husband) to do for years. After 36 years (!), I said good-bye to my church for another one. Walter and I felt God calling us to move churches about 5-6 years ago, but for one thing or another, we stayed. After all, I’ve been attending that church since I was in first grade. I grew up in that church, met my husband (when we were adults working with the high school youth group) there, got married there, and baptized our children there. I served in the junior high and senior high youth groups for about 9 years and was a part of the worship team for 20+ years!

The easy thing to do was to stay…when God was calling us to better things. Over the summer, God started closing doors and made it so incredibly apparent that now is the time. So, the beginning of August, I said ‘yes’ to God’s plan and went to a different church.

And, WOW, did God move in my heart! I was filled with the Holy Spirit and moved by God’s Word in ways that I had been missing the past 5-6 years. My cup was filled to overflowing and I felt the anger, hurt, and bitterness that had been building inside me disappear. I didn’t realize that those years I chose to stay at my church was failing to fill me and instead continued to drain me. I’ve been running on empty the past few years, finding my faith through personal devotions and listening to worship music, losing my desire for church and community.

I’m thankful I finally listened and took that step toward God’s plans for me and my family. Even though the road has been hard, I’m thankful that God has made it crystal clear that now is the time to leave. I’m thankful that my husband and I are on this journey together.

How about you? Is there something in your life (big or small) that God has been calling you to do? Stop taking the easy road and start living fearlessly.

As I stood with tears in my eyes praising God that first Sunday, I kept thinking, “I wish we had listened and left 5 years ago.” All praise to God who never gives up on us and finds ways to move our stubborn hearts toward all he desires for us.

Categories
Faith Family

Grateful

“I just wanna say that I’m grateful for all of the ways you’ve never left me behind. Oh how irresponsible is your love. I just want to praise your name for all of the ways you keep chasing my heart. Oh how irresponsible is your love.” Irresponsible by JUDAH

“Yeah, I’m thankful. Scratch that, baby, I’m grateful. Gotta say it’s really been a while, but now I’ve got back that smile. I’m so thankful. Scratch that, baby, I’m grateful. Gonna see me smiling from a mile, finally got back that smile.” Smile by Katy Perry

Gratitude is a choice. It’s choosing to be thankful even in the hard…especially in the hard. Life is not always easy, but when we live a life full of gratitude, we are able to appreciate all the good things that God has done and see that the blessings far outweigh the struggle.

The past 18 months have a been a challenge for many families, mine included. While 2020 was filled with a lot of physical pain (son’s broken arm and surgery, sister’s broken ankle, niece hospitalized with mono, etc.), 2021 has been a struggle spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. But God, in his awesomeness and lovingkindness, is doing great things in my life and my family.

Sometimes it takes really hard stuff to move us in the direction God wants us to go. Sometimes God uses the hard to cut the ties that anchor us to where we are. God has worked in my life and my family’s life in incredible ways recently. Are we still wounded and hurting from the struggle? Of course. But God is healing and mending our hearts and doing a mighty work.

Just like God used the hardships and craziness in Joseph’s life to save Israel, God has used this time to bring redemption and sustenance to my soul. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” Genesis 50:20 NLT

How is God using the hard in your life to bring you into his blessings? When I’m tempted to focus on the past and the hurt, I choose to focus on the present and count my blessings…grateful for all the good God is doing and continues to do in my life.

Categories
Family Health and Wellness

Better Because of 2020

2020 is officially gone and 2021 is here! I know most people joke about the dumpster fire that 2020 was and how thankful they are to see the year be over, however, when I look back at the year I see how God used the hard to create better. Without the crazy year of 2020, my life would be on the same crazy train it was at the beginning of the year and I wouldn’t see the growth in my marriage, my family, my job, etc.

At the beginning of 2020, our lives had become busy without even realizing it. We would find a way to add one more activity to our week and adjust, never seeing just how crazy life was becoming. Then everything shut down in March and we were forced to stop and be still. My husband and I both saw that we needed to take a step back and have made intentional choices to not let our lives get as hectic again.

When everything closed, including my job, I realized that the job I had was pulling me away from the time I desired with my family and that I was missing my kids growing up. God provided another job for me in 2020 that allows me to put my family first, be the mom that I want to be, and never miss a moment with my kids.

With more time at home to cook and share, my husband and I discovered the teamwork that we had both been longing for in our marriage. I learned how better to love him and our marriage has grown deeper and stronger during this time.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg of the positive ways God has worked in my life this past year.

I’m thankful for where my life is now as we enter 2021. I don’t look back and hate 2020. Were there some really hard things this past year? YES! But the growth and change and blessings that resulted have made it worth it. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Let’s carry on the lessons of 2020 and look forward to God’s blessings in 2021!

Categories
Faith Health and Wellness Marriage

So Much To Be Thankful For

2020 has been quite a year and now we’ve reached Thanksgiving. Pretty sure we thought life would be back to normal, but as I write this things all around me in my state are shutting down again because of the COVID. As mentioned in my previous blog post, there is always a way to find gratitude through the hard. In fact, gratitude is good for your health and helps with stress levels, etc.! So, I’m choosing to find gratitude in everything. Here’s what I’m grateful for this year:

-When everything shut down in March, we got so much more time with our family…and realized how busy we had become with all of our sporting events. The time allowed us to re-evaluate what we wanted to do as a family.

-I got a new job as the P.E. teacher at Covenant Classical School! The interview process started right before the shelter-at-home began, so we had to get creative with interviews and I was finally hired in June. The job allows me to teach at my kids school and only work during their hours. In October, I left my coaching position at Orangetheory Fitness so that I could continue to be here for my family and stay focused on my new job. It has saved my sanity!

-I’m thankful for our school — the amazing education my kids are getting, the awesome friends and faculty, and that we are IN school full-time!

-My son broke his elbow the beginning of July and needed to have surgery to put three pins in it. That’s not the positive. 😉 Honestly, there was a lot of it that sucked and we called it his “bummer summer”. He missed out on A LOT of stuff. However, so many people were dealing with disappointments in 2020, so he wasn’t alone and the only one doing life differently. My son and I still talk about the sweetness of hanging out in my room and watching movies while he recovered. And again, we were forced to slow down.

-I’m thankful for my son’s baseball team and the amazing boys on the team. They have all become the best of friends and are incredibly encouraging and supportive of each other. Their support when Edmund broke his elbow was HUGE.

-Today, as I celebrate my son’s 11th birthday and the day I became a mother, I am INCREDIBLY grateful for the gift of my children. Every day with them is a blessing and I’m humbled and thankful that God chose me to be their mom.

-I’m thankful for the gift of my marriage that continues to grow stronger day by day. Again, the pandemic has allowed us to have more time to spend together and not rush around…although we have had to learn to be more intentional with our time. 😉 I’m thankful that I’m totally content just hanging around with my husband all day and talking with him. He makes me laugh and smile and is my safe space. 

Every time I look back on my life, I can see the obvious ways that God has been working and continues to work in my life. He has used every situation and event to mold me and prepare me for the future. I’m overwhelmingly thankful for his guidance, provision, sacrifice, and love for me — for sending Jesus to die on the cross and take the penalty of sin for me; for the assurance of salvation and an eternity in heaven; that nothing is out of his control; and that, even though I am sinful and fail, I am loved.

What are you thankful for?

Categories
Faith

Gratitude Not Attitude

“Gratitude not attitude” became my mantra during the beginning of COVID-19. During that time, I would go for long walks — listening to music and spending time in prayer. Sounds fine, however, often during my “talks with God” I would find myself complaining about something someone said and how it hurt me or some other situation. I realized that I could continue down that road or end the negative thoughts. So, I would stop myself in the middle of my pity party and say “Gratitude not attitude.” I would then think of all the things I am grateful for about that person and/or situation. Was it always easy? No. Worth it? Yes.

As we enter this season of Thanksgiving, are you needing to switch your negative attitude to one of gratitude? Where are the blessings in e-learning? In this political climate, where do your thoughts go when thinking about Democrats or Republicans? One party is not all positive and one all negative. BOTH parties have positives and negatives. Find the good in both. You’ll be a much happier person and more able to trust God, when you can see the positives. 

How about the Holidays? One of the blessings of COVID is that we are all a lot less busy with parties and gatherings. Maybe this is a chance to focus on your family and the real meaning of Christmas that often gets lost in the hustle and bustle.

It’s not always easy to be grateful…especially in the really hard times. But if you start practicing gratitude now, finding things you are grateful for every day, it’ll become easier and natural to spot the negative attitude and turn it to gratitude. Where do you need to find gratitude today?