I’ve been thinking a lot about honesty lately, specifically in relationships. For the most part, I consider myself an honest person. When I worked in retail, my customers appreciated that I would give them honest feedback and let them know if something worked for them, instead of just trying to make a sale. I joke around that if you give me a just a little alcohol, you will be sure to know my opinions about any and everything. 😉 However, when it comes to people who are close to me, I have a harder time being honest.
I can be honest when it doesn’t matter — even when it is with people I consider my friends. I think because there isn’t as much at stake — if they judge me, get mad, or walk away, it doesn’t really matter. I know that I was honest and I can move on in my life.
However, with those closest to me, I’m careful to keep things close to me and compartmentalize instead to sharing how I honestly feel. There’s way more at stake. Yes, I know that the people closest to me should be and are the ones who won’t walk away or leave me, but I clearly struggle with trust.
One of the things that I am working on this year is being more honest with people — those closest to me included — and sharing when I am disappointed or hurt, etc. See, I’m also a people pleaser and want everyone to be happy (that’s a whole other post about how I need to let people feel…), so even when I feel rejected or hurt, I tell people that it’s okay and move on. But by doing so and not being honest, people don’t see how I value them and our time spent together. Clearly, if they mattered, it would bother me.
So, if you have known me for years, be aware that I’m going to be more honest with you. Yes, life happens, so if you cancel a lunch date, I’ll understand, but I’m also going to let you know that I was looking forward to hanging with you and adjusted my schedule so we could spend time together — not to make you feel bad, but to let you know that you are valued…and maybe I won’t be the person that you know you can always cancel on. 😉
My quest to be more honest has already lead to some tough conversations with people closest to me. You know what? They still love me. They didn’t walk away.
How about you? Are you good at being honest with people when it really counts? Who do you need to be more honest with today?